The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines change as
:to become different
:to make (someone or something) different
:to become something else
The death of a loved one causes us to change not only has our personal self changed but the dynamic of our family as well. One who was here is no longer with us. A change has occured and life is now different, we are a shadow of our former selves. Death causes a change many of us don’t want to deal with. At times we may act as everything is status quo. In ourselves we know the pain, sorrow and anguish we feel. Yet do others around us recoginize the feelings we have? Two have now become one (if married) the loss of a child or sibling is just as devastating. Others do recognize the loss, but they have begun to move in a different direction. Its not that they don’t care about you they do they just need to know how to approach you. Some may feel you are too “fragile” or afraid you may begin to cry. It is okay to cry it means you are alive and feeling the emotions you should be feeling. Let people know you are in a time of change a period of adjustment and to be patient with you as you move through each day.
Change we don’t like it but with change comes growth. The realization that someone we loved and cared about is no longer here takes time to accept. We know the person is no longer with us in the physical sense yet we long for the person to be back with us. At times we want them back to be with us, yet we must be careful what we ask for. If our loved one was suffering prior to death or had been in an accident, would we want them back the same way? No, we would want them back happy, healthy and just as vibrant as they were.
Change takes time to embrace a life time. We change every day of our lives and we learn to adapt to life as it is now not as it was. Change can be positive and exciting as we choose to embrace it in a healthy way.
What is Expressions of Grief?
Expressions of grief is made up of a group of men and women who have suffered the loss of a loved one through death. Participants are able to discuss their thoughts and feelings openly. Everyone is encouraged to discuss their feelings openly if they wish to, but no one is made to talk. At times some feel they would like to listen .
Grieving takes time and to have others who have been in the same situation listen with compassion and offer helpful suggestions makes the journey a bit easier. The group is run by a facilitator who is knowledgeable in grief and loss.
The Expressions of Grief class will be offered at the Trenton Chapel Martenson Family of Funeral Homes (3200 West Road) in January. This four week class is designed to help participants work through the greiving process. The classes are small in size with about fifteen people in attendance and led by a facilitator.
The class begins on January 7, 2014 at 6:00 p.m. and will continue on January 14, 21 and 28. To register please call 734-671-5400.
Our Annual Candle Light Vigils were well recieved on December 3rd and 4th. The Bell Choir from Christ the King Lutheran School played for the families gathered.
The Martenson Family of Funeral Homes Annual Candle Light Vigils will be held at the following locations. Services begin at 6:00 p.m. each evening.There is no charge to attend. At the Allen Park and Trenton locations the Bell Choir from Christ the King will be performing.
Allen Park Chapel 10915 Allen Road, Allen Park 1-313-386-6600 December 3, 2013
Trenton Chapel 3200 West Road, Trenton 1-734-671-5400 December 4, 2013
Allore Chapel 203 East Elm, Monroe 1-734-241-5225 December 5, 2013
Does grief ever end is one of the most popular questions. In short no, it is a part of life and the journey each of us takes. Grief stays with us for the rest of our lives. As time goes on the pain of the loss is still there it is just not as strong as it was in the begining. As one journeys through grief there are changes in life going on as well.
Grief has a pattern and it is unique to every indvidual depending on the nature of the realtionship with the person who died. The realtionship between spouses is different as a child(s) relationship with his or her parents. It is the same for any relationship each person will feel the pain of loss or the lack of depending on their own personal feelings towards the one who died.
“When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving much advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a gentle tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessnes, that is a friend who cares.”
Grief in itself is a personal journey each of us grieves in our own way, yet each of us longs for that companion on the journey who understands us, listens to what we say without passing judgement. The unique part of all of this is the person has not had to experience a loss themselves they only have to be present when needed the most.
Some families are choosing to have their loved ones cremated with a memorial service at the funeral home. So what does this mean for those visiting the funeral home? The answer is actually quite simple do the same as you would when paying your respects to the family with a body present. It is still appropriate to send flowers to the funeral home, make donations to the deceased’s favorite charity or memorials to the family.
“On the day when death will knock at thy door
What wilt thou offer him?
I will set before my guest the full vessel of my life.
I will never let him go with empty hands…”
Death is feared by many but death is a part of life that we all have to embrace at some point. We do not know when death will come and we do fear that day. Death is not something to be feared if we have lived a full life.
Tom Chenette presented on the importance of car maintenance, he explained the basics to the Expressions of Grief Group. Included in his presentation was how to check the vital fluids as well as how to add to them. Tom gave the group a tire pressure gauge and some important handouts on car care as well.